R eg re t s - H i a k u s

back

2009-11-30T15:31:00.002+08:00

back to my original place.. the start, and most prob the end..

den's back in singapore, finally...

so many things to do but it became DONE-ed already.. days flew by so quickly, unlike those in Rockhampton..

time to get back to work, get back to life, get back to sub-conscious state...

bye , den..

2009-09-02T23:13:00.003+08:00

i guess baby used my com and signed in to his blogger account, forgetting to sign out.
so since he hasnt update for so long, i shall do him a favour. =D

he's going off to aussie for 42 days or so in october for his work. boohoo~
missing his birthday..
missing my 21st..
):

hate his job,
hate my Physics.

-Princess

Reality Vs. Dream

2009-06-24T22:49:00.003+08:00

Reality's just like gravity. Pulls you hard on the ground, makes you put in effort to even move.
Get the drift?

Dream's just like space. Floating around, effortlessly, helplessly, aimlessly.
Get the drift?

Compare the 2, which one do you wana be in?

and yeah.. don't regret..

Randomness

2009-05-08T18:05:00.004+08:00

B's favourite colour is purple.
Universal bisexual colour. hmm..

I guess that explains his relationship with dan. =D

-Princess is bored

2009-05-06T01:05:00.004+08:00

B is on standby for a week..

So I'm here to mess up his blog. =X

standby for a week = unable to meet him for a week.
back in SG for a few days and has to be 'locked' up again.

missing you..

loving you..

-Princess

-----____________-----

2009-05-02T16:46:00.005+08:00

i'm speechless..

i'm drowned...

i'm over-cautious...

i'm happy...

i'm emo-ed...

i'm CASIO-ED...

i'm back in bright-hot Singapore..

i'm gota rush..

i'm missing.... Lois

i'm loving..

i'm learning..

patience, understanding, trusting, letting, giving....

Quest

2008-06-22T20:25:00.002+08:00

Chapter 2 :

Emotions in our eyes

Exiting the room, she placed her new found precious into her pocket and continued her way down the dark corridor. Without any directions and place in mind, she just followed where the passage leads. Gradually, the darkness surrounding her became oblivious to her.

Random thoughts started filling her as she transited to cruising mode. Pictures of her family and friends began to appear.

Being the child that her family dotes on so much, she is used to having things going smoothly for her. Whatever she wants, somehow she will have her ways to get it eventually.

Her life seems to be from a scene of a princess in a fairy tale, being envied by those around her.

In short, her life was perfect and well taken care of. Nothing could go wrong wrong for her. She did not really care much about her life. Correction. She Need Not have to.

There were always people there to help her in times of needs, and people to guide her whenever she meets with crucial situations that requires critical decisions to be made.

There was this person that she knew. Not a close friend but more of an acquaintance. He is very different from her. To the extend of comparing black and white, the absence of color versus the combination of colors.

This person had it hard. Since the time he could remember, there were hardly people there to help him in whatever he was doing.
He was always forced to depend on no one but solely on himself.
Call it being independent or self-sufficient, it was an attribute that was painfully learnt by him.

The only encounter that these two people had was the time when she needed help badly and that he was there at that point of time. Being helpful in nature, he went all out and helped her, expecting nothing in return. A simple thanks was all he got from her after that event and they became complete strangers after that. Guess she always gets help whenever she needs it, thus, explaining her complacency.

The sudden intrusion of thoughts proved to be too overbearing for her that she stopped dead in her tracks. Taking a deep breath and a few seconds of mental silence, she managed to calm herself down. Wanting to continue her walking, she was interrupted again. This time with options to turn either left or right, or go up the flight of stairs. She cannot choose to turn back or else she will be going to where she came from. Standing there contemplating, it became obvious that her ability to decide has deteriorated.

All three options proved to be as unwelcoming as one other, each leading her to their own realm of unending fear and uncertainties.

"Where should i go? What is waiting for me there? Will i get lost there? "
These questions kept repeating themselves in her head, over and over again, like a broken record.

Out if nowhere, the sound of a door slamming shut boomed loudly, filling the entire place with it's deafening noise.
Realizing that it was coming from upstairs, it somehow help make her mind up to where to go.

Totally disregarding the doubts that she had before, she ran all the way up the stairs. It wasn't long after reaching the top when the sound of footsteps greeted her. Figuring that the footsteps were coming from somewhere near, she broke into a run, hoping to find the person who's responsible for the noises. The possibility of knowing that she wasn't alone there proved to be so important to her that she didn't mind tripping over uneven hallways and bumping into broken furnitures.
Anxiety had comfortably planted itself in the driver seat.

Speeding pass the doors in the hallway, she could hear the footsteps growing louder and louder, getting nearer and nearer.
She was convinced that she was not alone.

As sudden as how the footsteps appeared, it suddenly became inaudible. Silence became a sound at that point.

Forced to stop in her tracks, she stood in front of a huge black wooden door.

Somehow, she feels that the person is right behind the door, in the room where she could not enter. A simple action of opening the door will solve the mystery of the presence of another being.

Trying to open the door prove to be a major difficulty as it wasn't built with a door knob. It seems like this door is not normal at all.

With beads of perspiration dripping down her chin, and panting for air occasionally, she examined the door carefully.

Carvings of vines could be seen around the sides of the huge door, twisting and turning in itself, creating a maze of it's own.
Upon closer examination, you can see hidden within the vines is a cobra-like snake.
Carved with such skills and details that one might easily feel intimidated by it.
Lying next to the serpent, a fruit that resembles an apple presents itself. Though normal looking, there's something special about it that makes it so alluring.
Running her fingers against the center of the door, she could feel the presence of words carved deeply into the old wood.
Parts of the sentence seems to be unfinished, as if the person who did it left certain words out intentionally.
There were certain carvings on the door that depicts the influence of the roman era. Maybe the artist was born around that period.
After careful examination, the door knob still couldn't be found.
One can't enter using the traditional method of turning the knob anymore.

Knowing that she have no other means of entering, knocking seems to be the only way left, hoping that the person at the other side will open it for her.
Pounding hard on the door, she stood there , waiting for some kind of reply.
The door didn't open. Nothing changed even after knocking. She thought that maybe adding a little strength into knocking will help.
From pounding with two hands to banging the door with her shoulders, her actions proved futile.

Filled with frustration and despair, she sat on the cold hard floor, giving up trying anymore.

Staring intensely at the immense obstacle in front of her, she did not realize the sudden glow of light in her pocket.
It was as if the soft blue light was trying to reach out of the pocket to her. Her frustration started to get the best of her.

She picked herself up and started pounding away at the door, not even flinching when pain fills her bruised hands.

In the midst of the pounding and knockings, the light started to fade away, growing dimmer and dimmer by the seconds.

Clutching her hips and bending forward, she finally gave up. Her painful hands and heavy panting stopped her from continuing with her senseless actions.

Giving credit to luck, her eyes caught a glimpse of the fading light just at the moment it decided to stop glowing.

She reached into her pocket immediately and fished out the item that caught her attention. Looking closely, she's certaint that it was the first time she laid eyes on it. She did not even know how she came to be in possession of such a thing.

Holding it in one hand, she dug into her pockets again, in search of something that she remembered keeping previously.
She had kept 'faith' inside her pocket and now, she couldn't find it. She did not recall misplacing it elsewhere or even dropping it at all.
'Faith' just vanished into thin air.

Holding the item tightly in her hands, she started to panic.
Where have 'faith' gone to? What had happened to it? When did it disappear?
When did this thing got into my pocket? How did it get there?
Questions without answers began to pour endlessly. She was like an overloaded elevator, just waiting for the cables to snap any moment.

Just when things started to get too overbearing, she spotted something at the bottom of the item.
Right there, embedded deeply was a small little cross. So small and insignificant that one might miss it easily.
Somehow, that little cross looks familiar to her.
Searching deep into her memory, she remembered seeing it on 'faith' as well. Both of it bears the same embeddement.
Could it be that 'faith' have taken another form whilst lying inside her pocket?
At this point of time, the artifact started to glow again.
Holding it close to her, she could see sentences slowly forming on both sides of the artifact.

With trembling voice, she read the words out.

"Ask, and it shall be given. Knock, and it shall be opened"

"Happy are those who can't see,yet believe."

-End of Chapter 2-

Quest

2008-05-17T03:46:00.001+08:00

its just something that ive started working on, based on my own personal views on our faith and life. PLEASE, just read it with a pinch of salt, as this is how i see and understands stuff. After reading, i hope you wont just look at the surface. Go abit deeper and understand.

Chapter 1: The Initiation

As the door opens to reveal a new passage, she manages to breathe a sigh of relief as she eases her way into the abandoned house.

Without even the slightest idea of where she is, she begins her exploration. Admist the darkness, she stumbles around and into the rooms that were presented to her. It was as if, she was searching for something. Something of such paramount importance that she don't mind looking for it in such a foreign and intimidating place.

After some time, she stop dead in her tracks in this particular room. Her breathing became so heavy that it is the only sound that can be heard significantly. It seems like she have found the 'thing' that she has been looking for.

Like a vulture closing down on its prey, she made her way to a corner of the room with such speed that one might forget about the darkness surrounding her. Standing and staring intensively, a smile could be seen slowly forming on her weary face.

There it was lying there, as if waiting for her appearance . There were signs on it that shows that it has been there for ages, as long as humans could remember, remember how this certain person gave up his life for people he didn't know. For the same people who still at present times continue to mock him. And also, for the truth that he so bravely stood up for.

She had finally found the thing that she has been searching through endless obstacles that tries to stop her. The thing is, Faith. Holding Faith in her hands, she didn't look very excited. Instead, relief took over all expressions.

True enough, it is not the final outcome that matters the most. It's the process of getting there that bears the significance. The long and tiring road that leads to the discovery of Faith does not end there. It just escalates her into another level. Another level full of difficulties and uncertainties that disregards the fact that if she's really ready to face them.

Young and vulnerable, shes needs to be ready for the things thats coming her way.

- End of CHapter 1 -

.... when the clown hv to wear the crown ...

2008-03-25T11:38:00.000+08:00

it means i hv to start tinking..
Sigh..
Imagine this..

A lane that you're walking on, has the flowers that you love [ am not gay k ], the buildings built in such a way that you love every brick of it. The trees are planted the way you want it to be. The weather is the one that you prefer, [ for me its the drizzles that sets me to the mood]. Everything is perfect. Even the dogs there will bother to accompany you, taking note of your every movement, and will pounce at any chance to keep u company when there a slightest hint of lonliness or sadness.. Everything cares for you, taking notice of you.. Making you feel important.. Its not completely a straight lane, with bends and turns thats filled with treats and suprises that excites the journey..
Everything there gives you a warm and familiar feeling.. And you feel that nothing will go wrong since its all to your taste..

Heres another lane..
Its straight, but with many road signs and posters that plaster a smile on your face.
Some of the flowers are the ones you fancy, but there are some that you dont, yet it doesnt really matter..
The buildings, i can say, is completely different from the previous scenario.. Its not to your dislike, but its not something you can feel connected to, feel familiar to..
And here comes the important part.. The birds fly happily in the sky, singing songs with the most beautiful voice.. The dogs leap around cheekily, playing with one another.. The thing is, you are oblivious to them.. Not that theyre selfish to ignore your yearn for their concern, but theyre just born that way, being happy and skipping away, overlooking the small yet important feelings that matters to you.. At times you just feel the weathers too cold even with the sun shinning..

God is walking with you on both lanes.
For the 1st lane, God is exactly where you thought He'll be.. Completely random places, and the birds and dogs can relate to God exactly the way you relate to Him too..
For the 2nd lane, God is not at the places you so used to see Him, but you can still see Him walking with you quite easily..

Which lane should i embark my journey on?

The clown dosent want to be the one wearing the crown..

[-_-] ~ sigh !!!

dennis-phorical analogy

2008-03-21T23:25:00.000+08:00

- the passenger with the taxi driver -

Good Friday

2008-03-21T06:40:00.003+08:00

good friday..

06:44am

staring into my com, im feeling it again.. ahh, the old times..

was out wif Lois at gardens for desert just now.. shes been in my life for 5 yrs, since RCIY, but we only got closer last year.. weird, didnt know that we could click..

we were making fools of ourselves there.. damn.. haha talking bout fools..

me, fred, ivan were at Thai Express on wednesday, before our movie, SEMI PRO, at Plaza Sing.

wah lau.. luff till my stomach hurts.. fred, being his usual self, disturbed the waitress.. about her name ( which is Genuine ) , difference between ice water and cold water, yellow curry and red curry, and whatever..
Embarrassing to the max can.. haha but fun..

ook, back to ah Lois.. were talking bout... me!!! 1st time talk bout me sia.. she asked y am i single for so long? what happened to the Lady A, Miss B and Girl C ?
y am i so fussy?
y i this, y i that...
hahaha, cudnt really answer her, just laugh...
then she began making fun of me, shooting me whenever and whatever she can..
first time she so good at shooting people.. hahah, at me somemore..
my crazy and cheeky self came out tonight.. haha..
damn farnie.. many young chicks there, as usual, but i dun find them appealing to me.. unlike last time..
told Lois i might be turning gay.. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL!!!!
then she wanted to intro her cousin to me!! wth, im that hopeless meh? need people's introduction!??!?!? -.-"

after desert-ing, we went CTK for adoration today as its mondy thursday..
spent time in CTk wif Lois.. i was praying, talking, praying.. she left soon after, where i joined Iggy..
this time, i din really pray much, but i just close my eyes.. i was distracted.. i just cant concentrate no matter how hard i try.. went outside to text, then went back in.. this time, i scolded Him in my 'scene'.
i even held Him by the shirt and yelled loudly,
" WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!!! WHY YOU PUT ME IN SUCH A POSITION THAT I CANT DO ANYTHING!! IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME, JUST MAKE IT BLARDY CLEAR!! "
(something along that line)
i was furious at Him. bad of me to be, but i am really, really gonna burst from anger soon...

im not that connected anymore..
modem's just next to me, but my connectivity is just slightly above passing..
*sigh*
*sigh sigh*

and yeah, walk on den, walk on..

come on.. a plate of el realistica pls..

2008-03-20T19:22:00.001+08:00

come on den, who ya kidding..

u cant handle it..

it cant handle you too..

so who ya trying to kid?

urself?

u've demolished before, u wana demolish other buildings as well?

thats damn selfish..

yeah..

buildings are hard to rebuild, let alone stand upright and tall, so pls be considerate and leave it alone..

bastard u den, bastard u....

swallow this plate of el realistica and get along...

oh...

2008-03-20T05:29:00.003+08:00

ok..

ima waiting for a trishaw..

i just started waiting for the trishaw..

then just realised that..

people are waiting for the trishaw too!!

not that im surprised that theres a queue,

but its just not dennis to queue for a trishaw..

as dennis is those that will not attempt to wait for a trishaw thats already booked..

dunno how long is that queue, but dennis sure knows how long the person's been booking that trishaw for..

damn, should have enquire bout the trishaw's queue.. damn..

should i walk instead, and skip the trishaw?

ive not queued for very long..

trishaw trishaw...

missed so many trishaw already..

fated to walk man.. walk and walk and walk..

gosh...

cranky

2008-03-20T01:15:00.002+08:00

is being ? ? pessimistic = realistic ? ?

cranky is what i am now..

emo?

garrrhhh..

life, people...

Mae - Tisbury Lane

2008-03-18T15:02:00.001+08:00

She greets the day with her hair wet
She asks them to vacate the building
Because she's got a plan they don't know yet
And if it goes wrong, there'll be no one to see
Do do do doDo do do do Do do doDo do do do Do do do doDo do do
If she could just get the word out God knows she's trying
They're watching her with eyes closed
She's always stuck with the old route
Does anyone knock when they barge in to beat her down?
Will you come back?It's all she wants to know
She knows she's part of the problem too
Could she let it go? It'd take a miracle So that's what I'm praying for
No one can know just how she feels She won't use the phone, she's too tired to pick it up
She's going back to the old way She sits in the classroom to learn with the others
Do do do do Do do do do Do do doDo do do do Do do do do Do do doDo do
Please don't give up when it's easy Don't you know that me and Jesus will cheer you on? He's the only one that will be constantly everything you need
Will you come back? It's all she wants to know
She knows she's part of the problem too Could she let it go?
It'd take a miracle So that's what I'm praying for Yeah
She lives on Tisbury Lane She lives on Tisbury Lane

completely.. me!

2008-03-18T14:14:00.003+08:00

ok.. this is gona be damn random..

its a tuesday afternoon and im home, feeling damn relaxed from ytd's outing but so many things happened at work yesterday..

now noon, im home.. have to go back wrk later

was just listening to tisbury lane, by Mae, and some other songs by them..was smoking, drinking vodka redbull (just a little)...

i started picturing the life i want next time..
then a 'movie' appeared in my head, with me as the lead..

i was driving (i dislike cars), a blue convertible (guess its roofless so acceptable),
on a damn straight road.. an endless one in fact..no cars on it except mine..
its a road in the middle of a grass field, no flowers no nothing.. just green..
was cruising at like about 110km/hr..
with my aviaters, ciggy in hand, steering in the other..
its a 2 sitter, and next to me is my girl.. with her shades too, not talking, but knwing what we're thinking of, how we're feeling, and glancing at my direction at times, as if letting me know that she's enjoying herself too.. enjoying the wind in her hair, the silence yet noisy connection that she and i share..
its a bright and sunny day, yet not a hint of feeling hot..
i just kept driving and driving and driving.. loving everything..
everything around me.. everything was perfect.. too perfect..

this scene really sets me thinking..
i need to be in the driving seat, if i wan my life to be perfect..
i need to take charge.. REALLY take charge.. of everything thats tangible, and just let God take control of my intangible situations..
i just cant anyhow find a girl to be seated in my convertible.. i need to take charge of that too.. she matters.. alot..
the aviaters to many is just shades.. but i feel its my filter of life.. as in the filter of what i see.. the sun is glaring, the shades block off the irritating rays..
the glarings symbolises my life's obstacles.. everythings thats blinding me, thats slowing me down, thats stopping me.. the shades represents God, and my sub-conscious mind to want to excel..
God brings me back to the right path.. and my sub-conscious mind motivates me to do things to better my situations.. both influence me to make the right decisions..
the emptiness of the road tells me that i crave solitude.. not total solitary, but just like a reality check kinda thing.. im used to having many different people filling my life from monday to sunday, having things to do from the time i wake till the time i sleep.. i really need the 'alone' time for myself.. not exactly alone, but wif her.. as she knows how im feeling, what im thinking, so shes actually not interupting, but in fact, facilitating my alone time..

for the ciggy in my hand, i just enjoy smoking.. chilling aint chilling without my ciggy.. period..

wow... can this materialise?
guess it all depends on me...

damn, Mae's songs damn dreamy..

dream world, here i come.....

tools

2008-03-15T03:33:00.003+08:00

think about this..

people are tools on one another, No?

need each other for compliments and critics..

need each other for company...

need each other for love, care and concern..

need each other to spend time...

need each other to help in homework..

etc. etc. etc. etc. etc you get the drift..

i sure did get the drift.. and boy was it more than ONCE!!!

hate it, but still allow myself to be exposed to it..

why?
am?
i?
so?
stupid?

haha, hope karma does exist...

what goes around, comes around....

2008-03-12T15:24:00.002+08:00

back from work.. tired, nothing new..

realised all my posts here are not really happy.. dunno y.. thinking back, i led quite a sad 'happy' life.. but that kinda 'hapiness' is short lived, only for that moment.
i want something mroe tangible, more concrete. something i can really be happy about.. other than finding God, nothing beats that..

after my horrendous past that destroyed me, it really changed Dennis completely. the one that i was previously 'evolved' into someone very different.
i am older than my age. i experience things way earlier than i should. theres good and bad bout it, but i rather take my time and experience things at the appropriate age. example is like smoking at 14, when it should be 18.
that example i guess explains enough.

now, i got so sick and tired of nearly everything.. been there, done that..
what else?

at least now when i think back, ive more friends. REAL friends. friends that cares for me, bother to find out how am i, my well being. bother to spend time to meet up with me to catchup.. both from Church, and outside church. i will surely hold them close to me dearly.

guess being w/o a gf really taught me much eh = )

random.
from today onwards, im gona start doing things and achieving them, be it goals or some character shaping.
i wana dare myself to be more random, more out of the blue.
not saying that im not that already, but i know that i am more of it myself.
doesnt mean anything if i make myself more random, but just the Dennis that i thought i was last time.
time for some catchup eh =}

guitar practice time.....

rainbow beneath the storm

2008-03-10T05:33:00.003+08:00

im back.. 17days in M.I.A land and im back..
supposed to have 7days break, and *poof*, no more... *$%^&*()^#$_&(*@#^

damn tired from work can..
damn damn tired..

im not gona harp on the fact how sucky my job is.. cause it'll never end..
im not gona harp on the fact that it ruined my plans..
im not gona harp on the fact that it takes my FREEDOM from me..
im not gona harp on the fact that it sucks.. did i repeat that? oh...

this storm is big.. HUMONGOUS!!

but.. = ) the rainbow is my only consolation...
realised dennis here, like colourful rainbows..
the rainbow thats cheerful.. fun loving.. cute .. humorous..

rainbows that are dull coloured, or too cool that it freezes, or does not have a definite n shape and is criss crossing, are really not worth my admiring, let alone even pursuing it..

this time, the rainbow that appeared infront of me, is W E I R D, inspite of the characteristics that ive stated previously..
personally, i find that rainbow U N I Q U E, not W E I R D..
the 7 colours thats seen on it perfectly describes itself.. shit!!!! i forgot the colours on a rainbow..... man -.-"
red, blue, green, yellow, errrr, black? white? purple? grey?
but this rainbow have an extra colour.. O R A N G E..
to me, orange is a sophisticated happy colour.. it looks happy as its bright, but somehow contains a wee bit of darkness in it.. darkness not as in evil, but as in the sadness and troubles thats well hiddden below the bright colours..
the 'orange' rainbow chose to shine its bright colours to bring happiness and laughter to its surroundings, but kept the negativities hidden beneath. not well hidden, but just enough to be overlooked by others..
it may be an in-born characteristic for that particular rainbow, or a well thought of decision to do so..
other than being just an 'orange' rainbow, it sometimes changes colours.. dramatic change to either super G R E Y in colour, or very bright 8 coloured rainbow (including the more dominating orange colour).

for me, heh heh...
im all colours... but im not a mixed colours rainbow..
im a single 8 coloured rainbow.. 8 , inclusive of G R E Y colour being the dominating one..
im really very well summarised with the colour G R E Y..
my colours change quite rapidly too..

rare times, i will become a bright 7 coloured rainbow, with no traces of G R E Y in it..

the only difference in the 'orange' rainbow and my rainbow is that, my rainbow is blurrified, with the colours turning pale at times..
whereas the other, it just hovers between orange rainbow, or the 7 colours..

man, 6am!!!
i needa go charge myself..
nights...

ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz

duh~

2008-02-23T23:51:00.002+08:00

i used to think that..

dennis will never feel what im feeling now..

dennis will never become what i am now..

but look, 23 FEB 2008, and im what i am now..

im not gona say what i am now, but yeah.. its so different from what i expected..

theres pros and cons again.. so....

Chow Chow Chow

coming to a year.. ure really etched deeply into my heart.. w/o me knowing.. im really sorry for what happened between us that broke us up.. i tried telling u on the phone, saying how sorry i am, and that im not the same anymore..
but ure just, just too defensive towards me and whatever im gona say will never change/help with anything... 1 year is a long time, in my honest opinion, to get over things...
nearly everywhere i go, everything i do reminds me of us.. thinking back, we nearly did whatever theres to be done already.. camping for nearly a week, slacking, kite flying, swimming, gallaventing, movies, shopping, looking at clouds, looking at the sea....

*sigh*

Grey is a very descriptive colour about me..

and im damn random.. again.. Hiakus

M.I.A

2008-02-22T23:01:00.002+08:00

in progress of M.I.A for 2 weeks..

sian...

DOTA kills time..

Football Manager Handheld kills time..

so many things do to kill time but i've no time to kill, thats the contradicting part =

Jaz Jaz Jaz... you confuse me

Back to DOTA in M.I.A land ( ive time to kill at 2245hrs now )

what a day..

2008-02-17T04:25:00.003+08:00

what a saturday...

was in church at 10am for a meeting. Jude had something to announce.

he said he will step down as our formator and Kevin will take over.

wah?!?!

then kevin started off with his expectations and such, wah!?!?!?!

good and bad about whats gona be done, the restructuring and everything but well, i see it like how Mel saw it, its actually breaking eXcess down.

this finally explains why God suddenly made me think about other ministries. now i got it. eXcess gona be gone. *sigh*

brain havent really started working early on a saturday morning such news came out, and i really havent really sorted out my thinking yet.

hmmmmm......

after that, went slacking wif eXcess peeps in town, then left me and Mel, slacked at Killiney Kopitiam, started to share bout our faith and everything.

both of us have EXACTLY the same views and things to talk about that we found damn intresting, which is the RELIGION itself, how it may be the 'way of life', deriving from history and everything. intresting.

went to his place after that, supposedly to test the Wii at his place but didnt. we wrote a Gospel Rock song instead. Cool! kinda catchy, especially the chorus, 'High seas, high waters,.......'

for dinner, Shaun came and we went to Mad! Pizza! opposite Mel's residence.

perfect saturday dinner in my opinion.

Nice ambience, Nice food, Nice company! Perfect!

and the 'TITS', hahahahahaaha....

we splited after that, they going for their things and i went to meetup with Cheyanne, Fred, Ivan, Xiang Wei and 2 other peeps for 'L saves the World' (Deathnote)

then supper with them and Daphne. Laugh thruout man. hahahhaa..

thats kinda all for my saturday.

nows my thoughts for the day..

firstly, bout eXcess..

like what i said to Mel before.. whatever he chose to do, if i find it reasonable, i will support him. like when 2yrs+ ago, when he wanted to leave RCIY to help form eXcess, i left together with him, even though i have 2 enquirers, and help.

and now, its the same thing. if he's gona leave and rebuild eXcess elsewhere, i will follow through. UNLESS, God Himself tells me to do otherwise. still unsure about what He wants be to do now. if He remains silent, i will take it as just to continue and follow on. pray and discern then.

hahaha, next is about, Relationship.

girls, girls, girls.

they are good to see, nice to have. but once ure stuck with one, mind whatever you do and everything.

its been close to a year since i last had a gf, and wow, something i never experienced before.

i personally feels that theres pros and cons in being in a relationship, or not in it. to me, it all boils down to my partner. if shes understanding and such, i will NEVER find her a trouble or liability. NEVER.

i gone through so many failed ones that i think now i know what i must do and should do to make a relationship fun, nice, and lasting.

but to be able for me to do all that, put in everything i have for her, she must be worth it. realised that im damn fussy bout my next gf, haha, so different from last time. looks still plays an important role, but many other things plays a part too. even religion comes into consideration. die, think i'll die single.

if i ever do find her, i will make sure that when she talks to her friends about me, she will be smiling form ear to ear, and thinking to herself how lucky she is to have me cause i will make sure she have the best of me, the best of everything i can offer, and all of my efforts.

die. how to find someone like that to make me commit to such extend, cause i know really, she must be damn unique and standout that i'm willing to be like that. im sick of the quarrels, the headaches and heartaches a relationship brings. its supposed to be LOVELY, COMFORTABLE, NICE, UPLIFTING, HAPPY to be in it.

someone to care, miss, love, concern, worry and pamper you. why ruin such nice things? dont really know what i was doing last time.

as what my title states, REGRETS comes, its too late when you realise.

well, i will just pray bout it too =B

kk, have to wake at 0630hrs to accompany Jazeerel for mass.

off to shower and hibernate.

nights.

love you God =]

what a day..

2008-02-17T04:25:00.000+08:00

.......

2008-02-16T20:14:00.002+08:00

Speedboat ended...

Shiok...

Just written a song with Mel...

Shiok...

everything Shiok..

gtg...

composure

2008-02-10T21:14:00.000+08:00

okokokok...

had some difficulties today.. all personal..

moving on in ministry-ing man..

eXcess really the one? God must answer me soon man.. dun really want my fire to be burning the wrong forest.. =)

'hiakus' means that theres no meaning, complete randomnes..
guess im a PRO-Hiakus then..
Pros of the Pros..

gota go for speedboat...

goodbye my lover...
goodbye my freiend..

its been long

2008-02-10T05:29:00.000+08:00

wow...
after so long ive re-visited this blog..
ok, lets talk bout Life ..

LIFE'S GOOD!!!

apart from irene, everythings going GREAT!!! = )
i love God, my family, everyone..

man... it cud be perfect though...

and i know how, just goto work on it.. like 'her' ?

hahaa..well, she does catch my eyes, doesnt she..
plain but not too normal,
pretty but not so pretty,
sweet yet not flirty looking..

just the one i think ima going for..

have to talk to her though to know...

5:34am, 4th day of Chinese New Year and im still awake..
how to wake for mass... haven even bathe....

had CNY gethering wif Zions Joy, and eXcess...
fun.. gatherings are always FUN!!!
spoke to Chris after that bout some stuff...

i love my life now.. kinda.. peaceful, nice, not that hectic...
really dennis, really.. just have to get her name

notice some things bout me that's room for improvement...
work on it...

BIG things to lookout for : eXcess: overtime '08
speedboat course
bike

off to bathe and hit the sacks..

*will always remember, no more REGRETS

yo u no me n o mor e

2007-05-16T01:55:00.000+08:00

you no me no more..

came back from NTM..
what a week, what a week..
ups and downs, finale, horrendously down..
my goodness, cock it up again..

bad.. bad..

you no me no more man..

2007-05-09T11:49:00.001+08:00

people are like tea bags..
you need to put them in hot water,
before you can know how strong they are..

m x ed f ee ling s

2007-05-08T03:25:00.000+08:00

2NTM later for 1 week...

another long 7days in camp...

about m i xe d f eeli n gs...

should i advance? or should i retreat?

should i be think skinned? or should i just let go?

i need advice man, i really do..

situation damn complex can..

but main thing now, is to better myself..

make myself more HUMAN, not HUMANE, HUMAN..

just had a new haircut today..
uncle sam, u always amaze me..

c omp uls iv e r eac t io ns

2007-05-04T02:12:00.000+08:00

think ive said something that i shudnt..
did something that i will be angry if was done to..
what happened to me?
y did i do that?
am i selfish when it comes to such 'MATTERS' ?
what if im the other guy?
hmmm...
dennis, ure not dennis anymore..
but for sure, such 'MATTERS' does entitle you to being unreasonable with your own normal thinking...
is it something known as Co mp uls iv e R ea ct ion s ?
hmmm...
is this 'MATTER' worth me not being myself, and go for it?
what if this happened to me?
i will be damn angry with the person..
should i carry on?
is it worth it?
am i.. such a.. like how i would classify, Bastard?
well, the 'MATTER' to me is surely worth it...
but, im not such a person..
*Sigh*.....

fo rgiv enes s

2007-05-03T04:17:00.001+08:00

im back. long ago.
many, many things happened.
when im in Taiwan, after im back.

normal guy will have mental breakdown, but i guess problems are created by me, i shoud'nt be the weak one.

love, lost. cant blame her. i usually spoil my own things, be it dreams, future, things, whatever.

now really, all i seek is forgiveness. from all the people ive hurt, directly or indirectly.

several weeks have pass since im back.
met up with many friends during this period of resentment.
Francine, Ignatious, my Sunday Soccer Guys, Freddie, Robin, Jennifer, Huda, K.J.
getting my circle back again.

it will be a tiring and long road ahead for me. hope i can persevere thru everything.

i love my dad. my aunt and my mum. they really helped me thru everything. learnt first-hand that, family, is the only word that you can hold dear to yourself, and never let them go.

so ashame of myself. for being what i had been.

sorry dad, sorry for everything and also that i cant apologise infront of you.
so many things for me to be sorry about.

stumbled upon Linkin Park's new song, "What I've Done" on MTV before going to meet Francine. only caught the last part.

then Francine told me bout it. the lyrics....
"....so let Mercy come, and wash away, What I've Done...."
what a time to get this lyrics.

really pray.....

forgiveness, may it be given to me..

19th March 2007 0415am

2007-03-19T04:13:00.000+08:00

going soon in exactly 24 hours time.

goodbye singapore..
goodbye family..
goodbye baby fishy..
goodbye Kuma..
goodbye everything..

hello taiwan..
hello shiong training..
hello Ji Pas..
hello bubble tea..
hello TAI MEIS..
hello Bing Lang Meis..

for 27 days

- Ta iwa N -

2007-03-16T10:08:00.000+08:00

going taiwan on 20th march. excited as its my first Taiwan trip, and my virgin oversea training as a Singapore soldier. heard from my collegues that its gona be fun, the training and also the RnR. not gona bring any camera though, afraid of the hassle and the possibility of losing it.
cant wait for the shootings, the trainings, the 'Ji Pa', the bubble tea, the 'Bing Lang Mei', and the 'TAI MEIS'!!!! hahah.. LoL

Bro

2007-03-15T14:50:00.000+08:00

just found out today that i actually have a brother who is suppose to be a few months younger than me...

wow...

whats his name gona be?

hows he gona look like?

resemble me?

wow...

mem ori es

2007-03-12T18:42:00.000+08:00

M E M O R I E S

what are they?

why do they exsist?

are they there to make people feel something?

Jo: "well, they're there for u to realise the things that u've done, and not repeat it if its bad And to remember good things that happens...."

Ade: "they're there to let you learn valuable experiences....."

Rob: "memories are meant to be forgotten."

Van: "serves as a connection to the past. let u recall what u have or have not done. no matter if its something good or bad, helps u remember the things that ought to be done or not to be done.
u cant really do much with memories other than talking abt it with frens who share the same memories with u.
everything is abt the future, u cant really change the past but u sure can learn from it...."

so weird, this memory thing. bad ones you try to forget, they remain stuck stubbornly. the happy ones that you wana keep with you for life, tends to slip away too easily than expected.

are we meant to just remember all the negatives things that happened to us, and forget the happy moments?

or is it just me..

Useless Bum

2006-02-19T19:40:00.000+08:00

Tired... went so many places yesterday with rene.. went to China Square, Fareast Square, Bugis and Bras Basar complex... was doing all the necessary searching for the 'Proposal'..

Rene was at my place, searching for designs, whilst i was busy feeling sick all the way.. Then got down to doing the 'Proposal'..

Throat's getting better, but flu getting worse.. arrrgghh, wednesday pls be okay... i wana kill the 2.4... Grrrr....

Just read some stuff, and i aint feeling good about it.. Its like i dun think im the one, or the right one.. i feel that im not good, not worth it at all, and being taken for granted.. am i? i feel so lousy... like why am i like that... But i figured people do change as time goes by, so is that the answer? i duno... Just the thought of what she had done last time made me feel small and not really appreciated... Haiz, discouraging.. I know myself.. Im not the one.. But i guess ive done more than what 'SHE' had, but why am i being treated lesser? Hmmmm.... im useless i guess.. Cant compare myself to 'HER' as im more stupid, more useless, more irritating, more difficult.. so guess the treatment of her goodness i get is what she thinks im worth of..

Im just useless........

" ..... what's the point of doing it, when the outcome of it is certaintly going to be negative ..... "

Throat

2006-02-18T08:50:00.001+08:00

After so long, finally started blogging again...
Many many things have happened and i start to regret on lots of things.. Too many to be healthy.. But well, no point in regeretting..

Day 2 of throat hurting..
Well, doesn't really hurt like sore throat kind, but its more like internal swelling, where it feels like something's inside swelling real real bad.. is it due to me fagging excesively? Hope not.. Am getting worried.. first time such phenomeneon.. Better get well before wednesday... Keep having this damn urge to smoke..DAMN

Proposal..
Was at bucks at wheelock there yesterday night.. was discussing some stuff with rene till kinda late.. At last, something going somewhere... can get busy... Was up till now, trying to get things sorted out at her place at least...
Now she's still sleeping.. She's gona be so late..
Beta wake her now...

" ..... why bother trying, when the result will still be the same ...... "